The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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