he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
