so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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