Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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