she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
