Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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