I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I will pee on everything he values.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
