her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
