Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
