Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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