It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
