I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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