if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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