Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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