Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
