Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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