I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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