I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
