Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My balls are so social today.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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