I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
