He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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