I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
