actually, I'm a sock model
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
