i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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