dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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