Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's paint friendship bongs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
