Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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