I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
