Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
