we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
