how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
