genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
