In America we eat man semen.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
