just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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