I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
