I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
