i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
