I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
