she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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