thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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