bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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