3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
