My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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