Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
