I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
