I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
there is glitter all over my balls
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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