He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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