Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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