Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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