Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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