Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
