So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
