yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, beer. Big fan.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
