Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
