I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
