who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
