I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
