do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
