If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
