finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
