I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
