I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
