Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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