Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
