So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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