Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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