is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
