and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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