I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
